HOLY COWS, on my walk back from my class that ended at 8pm just now, I SWEAR TO GOSH... I sooooooooo wanted to scream THIS PLACE IS SO FREAKING BEAUTIFUL! almost made me want to cry just because i'm here, I am here at the place that I've always wanted to be at and I'm all alone and I DID IT ALL by myself. I made friends, I found my home here, I DID IT!

My favorite time of day is DUSK... It makes everything so much more I dunno... the colors of the flowers hit something inside of me just right during this time of day... the street lights and lights in windows make me go OOOOO... the little buggies flying around all say hello and wink to me! Earlier today I saw a rolly poley(sp!?) thingy and I wanted to pick him up and play with him BUT he was by some pretty plants and whatnot so i figured I'd let him be... I SWEAR...

I was so tempted to just sit down in the cross walk and watch all the street lights and car lights and all that whiz by me. it seemed like EVERYTHING around me was SO unnoticed by everyone! I felt invisible and like I was all alone! it was the most content feeling i've had in awhile. I felt super independent and yeah... it feels like i'm SOOOO HIGH on something right now... i've been taking my meds properly again so I guess that helps... I'm finally able to feel what I SHOULD again... I'm feeling the APPROPRIATE emotions and all that shtuff right now.

I'm so bogged down with school work and I LOVE IT! I love being able to have my mind occupied with new facts. i have seriously grown to love learning EVEN MORE! This is the first quarter where all my classes seem like COLLEGE level classes... where the thoughts and all that are over my head and where I'm sorta drowning in the work but yeah, I'm still absorbing it all at the same time... only you NON genius school nerds would know what i'm talking about. GOSH. I want to HUG the world around me... like, hug the sky and every tree and flower and buggy without crushing it or leaving my taint on it! People I've seen around mean NOTHING to me and have no affect on me whatsoever! I accidentally smiled at a boy/guy on his bike because i have been in the computer lab with him before and I noticed he kept looking at what i was doin and whatnot and yeah, it was weird cuz like he actually SMILED back and yeah... lol... WEIRDNESS lol... made me get all giggly.

I SOOOO found out that two of the cuter boys in my audio recording class are into REAL HIP HOP MUSIC :-D... I need to be buddy buddy with them so i can have pals here that are into that OTHER type of music, I think i'm missin my bro and am fiending for fanatics of hip hop and i'm thinking one of them is a fiend so yeah, we'll see how that goes.

Do you know how great it is to look at the planes flying over you and to like NOT want to be on them... I actually felt sorry for the people on the planes cuz it's like OH MY GOSH, they aren't seeing this beautiousness and aren't able to live here in this lovely place like I am and yeah... HOLY COW... Every day i fall in love with this city MORE AND MORE. It cannot be any more perfect for me... it has EVERYTHING that makes me jizz and MORE. AND THERE IS STILL SO MUCH MORE HERE I HAVE TO DISCOVER AND EXPERIENCE!

MMM, hugging one's self is OH SO satisfying sometimes... it is like the only embrace that you KNOW is true and heartfelt.

GOODNESS, I want to run around with a paper back collecting every bit of scenery around me and then give it kishes and say THANK YOU TO IT!

I don't know why, but lately i've been sorta i dunno, becoming sorta spiritual again... There's some force out there that just makes me know it'll all be okay... maybe my guardian angel has awoken from his slumber and is sending little messages via rolly poleys to me hehe :-p... it's possible. I can honestly say at this moment I DO NOT want to kill myself SURPRISING because i'm taking a Global politics class that is already showing me the DARKER side of humanity AGAIN lol but yeah, i'm in a mood where I'm all like ALIAS again and am only worrying about MY actions and not those of others. Yeah it's a really selfish mode but eh, I guess when I'm in my super selfish mood and whatnot, that's when i feel the most functional and content

RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAWR... I AM BACK!

Thanks to all of you that have been positive and whatnot, even without directly contacting me... you have no idear how much it has really encouraged me to keep chugging

I wish I could give you all a piece of what i see right now :-D